Shower and a shave.

Manhattan is better by bicycle. Too much stopping but when you do go. It's fantastic. Years of training in downtown Chicago. My college commute to class. By Schwinn. Racing cars for the fun of it. Speeding as fast as I could to see how close I could get. In Manhattan. I just want a coffee. Why can't these assholes? I put myself on auto pilot. Free to ride. Over the Brooklyn Bridge. Past the condo where I did that shoot last spring. The mid town expressway. Driving back down 3rd avenue. Everything is that much faster here but I'm even faster. Riding to where ever my butt finds itself. Sitting at the same place, not the last time I saw her but the last time we actually talked. Reminded of the gorgeous young woman. The careful way that she drank her coffee. Lip stick on the white lid. She never used to drink it until she joined AA. Going for a walk. Hat on her head, half sliding off. Hiding her eyes. On the bench in Union Square. Her body limp, waiting for mine. I wanted to so bad but I couldn't. A mess of anger, desire, confusion. Why is she so angry? I'm here. In the same place. Fifteen hundred miles behind me. The woman who left me broke and homeless. But did she? I take full responsibility for myself. All of it. But can I forgive her? All she had to do was talk to me. I will never know what it was that she couldn't tell me. I'm not even sure that I want to know. But I do have to see her. Sit down with her across the table from me and look her in the face. What the hell am I going to say? I'm still wearing the same clothes that I've been wearing since I left Chicago over a week ago. Need to shave. Cut my hair. "Dirt Bag" makes me laugh now. Just thinking about the words. I need to find a place to put my things. What's left in her apartment. The end and the beginning.